Thoughts

It's kind of scary being back with Mat for one reason, that now that I'm Orthodox I'm the only close example of Christianity, or Orthodoxy to be specific, that he has at the moment, and I'm sure I must be a horrible one. But on the other hand it's good in a way because it forces me to examine myself and think about my actions. It brings me some level of responsibility. Of course the same should apply to anyone I come into contact with, but for two reasons I feel like that more with him than with others. One is that he's who I spend most of my time with when I'm not at work, it's rare I see friends or family in person (I talk to my mom every day, but besides that I don't often talk to friends online any more), maybe once every few months? And also the fact that he's not Christian exactly, I mean he believes God exists but that's about it (as far as I can tell), which makes me yearn and pray all the more for his salvation. It would be my dream to have my marriage blessed by the Church one day with Mat as an Orthodox, but I don't know if that will ever happen. I'll keep praying.

It's taking some getting used to, being with him now that I'm Orthodox. Neither him or his family are religious in the least, which leaves me wondering how to work out things like fasting when I go over to his parents place so often (he lives with his mom), and how (or if) to explain things to them. Apparently his dad nicknamed me saint Sara, which I didn't laugh at, Mat mentioned that to me after he called me that once and I forbid him from ever calling me that again. I don't know how to deal with this sometimes. Not to say that they don't respect my beliefs, on the contrary. I just feel awkward as a recently-baptized about how to integrate my life as an Orthodox Christian with my newfound (old) family-in-law who aren't very religious at all.